I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
