Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
