I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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