he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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