Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk is a universal language darling
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