Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
