Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
