it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize