not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
