We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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