i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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