Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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