U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
