you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
