I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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