naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
