i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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