Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You ruined the universe
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
