Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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