god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
