I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
