so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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