She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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