are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
