woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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