Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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