Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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