Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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