I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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