I got chris browned last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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