I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
