you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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