Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
