You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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