She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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