yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
