every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize