so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
