its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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