she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
