Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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