I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
