You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
