I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this boner is exhausting
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize