that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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