i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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