i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
