I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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