NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize