It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
