Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
