I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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