Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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