I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
