I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
