If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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