i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
