Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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