sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
where are my eyebrows?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
