found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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