I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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