Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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