dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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