everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
