Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
