Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
