tequila makes me forget i have legs
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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