i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
