i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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