Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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