my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
