we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
