Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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