your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
