i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
