You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
