I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
