Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
