Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize